My sweet boy Grayson,
I can't believe you're a year old. I can not believe it. And though I felt like a Mommy while you were in my belly, it wasn't really real until I held you in my arms and looked into those beautiful blue eyes. You were sooo tiny. And yet, I couldn't fathom how all 6 lbs 2oz, 18 3/4 inches of you was inside my belly... you must have been really curled up! Right after we brought you home, I missed having you in my belly, kicking me. Now, you kick me when I'm changing your diaper and your legs are MUCH stronger now!! You have Daddy's strong legs for sure. I also missed knowing that you were okay, safe and warm inside. Now, you are out in this cold, dangerous world and I was (and still am) always worried about you. In fact, I just yesterday slept through the night for the first time since before you were born. You have been great about sleeping on your own for a while, but Mommy just worries about you I guess... That's just what Mommies do, so you'll just have to get used to it.
When you were born, we were mesmerized by you. Every yawn, every breath, every curled, little toe--you were our little miracle. It amazes me what God can do with love. Still, even now, a year has gone by and every time you smile, you just make me melt. Son, you could get away with murder by flashing that smile and those sparkly blue eyes! I am amazed at how smart you are--you figure out how things work very quickly and get into more things than I'm ready for you to! You do things in your own time, on your own schedule. You definitely assert your will whenever you get the chance! You will grin and shake your head 'no' or slap the spoon right out of my hand when you're done, or when you just want to get down and play instead of eat. You have me wrapped around your tiny fingers! Very tightly. I love holding you and squeezing you close--something I miss now that you just want to pull my hair or my nose and then get down and play. Sometimes I wish for teething, because you always want to cuddle when you get new teeth! I guess that's how it goes with your children... I'm sure God wishes we'd come running back to him more than we do too.
You are such a good boy, Grayson. Everyone loves you everywhere we go. You are always happy and smiley, and you rarely cry. You're so easy-going... You've never been that baby that needs to be held 24/7 (though I do hold you a lot because I love cuddling you!). You're rarely cranky--only when you're not feeling well, you are tired, or you're hurt. You have been such an easy guy that I'm a little afraid to test our luck again. I want you to always be my baby boy.
As you've grown, I have loved watching you explore. I love watching you learn new things. One of my favorite things now is to lay beside you in the floor and watch you play with a new toy... you explore with your chubby little hands and roll it over, back and forth, until you've experienced every last inch and mastered its tricks. You never give up. Never lose that tenacity, that drive to learn new things... never stop learning. Always ask for help when you need it and even when you think you don't need it. I will always be here ready.
You are my beautiful boy. I have loved you from the start and will love you until the end. God blessed my life when He gave me you and I will always thank Him for you in my prayers. Because you were God's son first, I will trust God to lead me in raising you right. He is the maker of love--who better to teach me how to love you? I will love you the way He loves me--unconditionally, unswervingly, never ceasing. I will lead you, I will watch over you, I will protect you and I will pray for you.
I will pray for your present and your future. Already, I pray for a future wife for you--that she is being raised by loving parents who love her as much as we love you. I pray that she will be a Godly woman who loves you more than she loves herself and loves God more than you. I pray that you will be a strong, God-fearing man--that you will lead your family the way Christ leads the church--with honesty, integrity and love. I pray for God's hand of protection over you, everywhere you go, in everything you do. I pray he will grow you into a healthy, strong, smart boy who cherishes his family and friends.
You are my special boy. I love you more than life itself. I love Daddy more because of you. And, I love myself more because of you. I am proud that we've made it this far. I am proud of myself, and I am proud of you. You are healthy, you are happy and you are smart. More than any of those, you are loved. By me. Always.
I love you, my sweet boy Grayson...